Frequently Asked Questions
- What is speed dating?
- How is the evening structured?
- How do you handle varying sexual orientations?
- I am interested in dating both men and women. Will I get dates with both?
- How will I fare as a straight man?
- What is your definition of gender?
- My partner(s) and I want to date both as individuals and as a group. Can we?
- How does PSD deal with polyamorous couples or triads looking to “co-date”?
- What ages do you expect?
- How many dates will I have?
- What if I meet someone I like who I didn’t get a date with?
- What if no one picks me?
- What if I cancel?
- What about people with mobility issues?
- How can I help?
What is speed dating?
Speed dating is a social event where people meet a number of potential dating partners. You’ll go on several “dates” of about 5 minutes each; after each round you (secretly) mark your date “YES” or “NO” on your dating sheet, depending on whether you’d like to see them again. Your choices are collected at the end of the night, and every pair who mutually said “YES” will get each other’s contact info by email within the next few days.
How is the evening structured?
When you arrive you will go to a check-in table. We will give you a name tag with your “public name” (e.g. Jen, Mike, Kitten, Dragon Breath) and your ID number. After check-in there will be some social time, followed by announcements. We will then hand out date sheets that tell you what table to go to and who you will be meeting there. Each round lasts 5-7 minutes. There will be a break partway through so you can catch your breath; after all the dating is complete, you will turn in your sheet so we can see who clicked with whom, and then email your matches to you.
How do you handle varying sexual orientations?
Everyone checks off what genders they are interested in, and also what they want their dates to be interested in. A match is when there is a mutual match between what someone wants their date to have and what their date is looking for.
I am interested in dating more than one gender. Will I get dates with both men and women? With non-binary people?
Yes, during certain rounds the computer prioritizes same-gender matches and during others it prioritizes other-gender matches. This ensures that bi- and pansexuals get a good mix of the genders they are looking for.
How will I fare as a straight man?
You will be fine. We limit registration in some demographics to make sure that those who do come to PSD have a good time. You may not date every round, but you should have several dates.
Understand that while women are interested in you, a lot of the women who come to PSD are interested in each other as well. This means we have the “Gender Alternation” system (see previous FAQ question), which is why you might not date on every round. We do this to ensure everyone gets a mix of folks they are interested in.
What is your definition of gender?
Here are two important things about how we handle gender: First, all gender questions on our site are “check off all that apply”; neither your identity nor your attraction is assumed to have one single label. Second, we don’t actually ask anyone for their own gender identity, we only ask what their dates should be looking for. There are people who aren’t trans men, but who check the “my dates must be open to meeting trans men” box. (Maybe they are thinking about transitioning but don’t know what that transition will look like yet, or maybe they have transitioned and don’t like the label ‘man’ but have found that the people attracted to them generally date men.)
Even given this, we understand that the system may leave some people out. We always appreciate your suggestions as to how to make this aspect of PSD better for everyone.
For even more detail, go here: http://boston.datewrangler.com/about/gender
My partner(s) and I want to date both as individuals and as a group. Can we?
Unfortunately, not yet.
How does PSD deal with polyamorous couples or triads looking to “co-date”?
A group of folks (two or three people) can come looking to date other groups and individuals. Both group and personal preferences are taken into account when the computer sets up the dates. We do not allow groups to rule out meeting solo daters, because we usually do not have enough groups for you to only have dates with other groups.
What ages do you expect?
It varies, but our previous event had ages ranging from about 20 to 60.
How many dates will I have?
The number of dates ranges from 4 to 12; it will simply depend on who comes to PSD and how many people (or groups) you can be paired with. If it looks like you will have fewer than 4 dates, we will let you know before the event and offer you a refund. Remember that the more flexible you are, the more people you will match with.
What if I meet someone I like who isn’t on my date list?
There is lots of social time at the PSD events and chances are you will get to meet some really cool people. If you meet someone that you like but didn’t get a date with them, there is still hope! At the bottom of your date sheet there is a “cruising” section. If you write their ID number down we will send them your name and email address. They don’t have to write down yours, and there is no match required. We encourage you to cruise people this way since it removes the awkward social aspects of in-person come-ons. Be shy, and use our system!
What if no one picks me?
After each round you will mark “yes” on your date sheet if you liked your date and want to share your information with them. If you and your date both check yes, we will exchange your info via email. However, sometimes your special someone or someones just did not show up to PSD this time. You can always try again! We aim to have lots of new people at each event.
What if I cancel?
If you cancel at least one day (24 hours) before the event, we will refund half your registration fee. Alternatively, you can elect to use the full amount for future PSD events. If you cancel with less than one day’s notice, or are a no-show, then you forfeit your entire fee.
What if I have mobility issues?
We understand that not everyone can make the crazy dash between tables after each round. Let us know when you register, and we can make sure you change tables as few times as possible. We want you to have a good time, so tell us if there is anything we can do to make your night better.
How can I help the cause?
The most important thing is helping us cast the net wide. Bring in friends whom you have kept secret until now. We love to meet new people and our daters do too!
Are there other poly/non-monogamy resources?
Why yes. Please see our list.